Waldorf News

Children Should Be Touching in School: Peer massage – Calm, focused and friendly

(Rudolf Steiner College Fair Oaks is arranging a peer massage course for this summer – contact Thea or watch for details coming soon.)

By THEA BLAIR

Most Waldorf teachers I talk to are familiar with Rudolf Steiner’s proposal of 12 senses. Many know that Steiner considered the sense of touch to be the first and over-arching sense, transforming into the most spiritual/social sense of all: the sense of the ego of another. Yet, it is not widely known that modern science has caught up to Steiner once again and discovered that touch is our first sense to develop and most likely the last to go. Nor are most teachers aware of the physiological and neurological reasons that human-to-human contact has a calming effect on behavior. I believe that if they did, they would be eager to add nurturing touch to their list of activities for classroom management and social inclusion.

We forget that touch is not only basic to our species but the key to it.”   -Dr. Saul Schanberg

Touch is a fundamental human need, like eye contact and movement. Touch is a proprioceptive sense meaning that it gives us a sense of our own body. Actually it is quite unique in that it gives us a sense of ourselves and a sense of another simultaneously. Seen in this light it is also a “social sense.” The other proprioceptive senses are self-movement, balance, and “life.” This last one requires a bit of explanation. It is the life processes you feel inside of yourself. One way to characterize this is feeling well or feeling ill. You could say that a sense of well-being is a sense of life: we sense the life inside our own body. It is closely related to the sense of touch, because nurturing touch increases our sense of well-being. You have probably felt this yourself when you have been upset and then someone held your hand or gave you a hug.

This sense of well-being is the hallmark of a hormone and neuro-transmitter called oxytocin. Oxytocin has been called the bonding hormone, the love hormone, the moral molecule, and is associated with relaxation and collaboration. It is secreted by the pituitary gland and when it floods the blood stream it is like a sigh. A very good way to increase levels of oxytocin is to give or receive nurturing touch.

“When people touch each other in simple gestures of friendliness, the electro-magnetic fields produced by their brains go into synchronous coherence with the electro-magnetic fields of their hearts. The overlapping of two such coherent fields strengthens the coherent orderliness of both persons’ heart-brain systems, moving them towards a unity of mind, heart, and body integral to learning and creativity, and is the very fabric of social bonding.”   -Joseph Chilton Pearce

It is generally understood that infants need touch and even up through kindergarten children receive hugs and holding and naptime massages from their teachers. If it is true that touch is a lifelong need, what are appropriate ways of meeting a child’s need for touch after they leave early childhood behind? Waldorf schools are unique in many ways and one of them is the handshake. Every morning and every afternoon the grades teacher meets the student with a handshake and eye contact. This combination of touch and individual attention says to the child, “I see you; you matter to me” and goes a long way towards making them feel secure and accepted. We know that once a child feels secure they become curious and adventurous.

The sense of touch provides the child with the secure feeling of “being home.” The opposite feeling would be fear.  -Edmond Shoorel

Just as a child needs a sense of security and belonging within their family and with their authority figures such as teachers, they also need the same with their peers. As a child matures, relationships with their peers matter more and more. There is a form of stress I call “social stress” and that is feeling socially disoriented: “Am I liked and accepted? Do I fit in? Where do I stand?” . Social stress can be caused by a comment or a certain “look” or even sporting a new haircut. It can also be caused by lack of lack of touch!  Now think about it: we don’t touch what we don’t like. If touch says “I accept you”, then what does a lack of touch imply?  We humans are social creatures. Isolation is the highest form of punishment. My daughter is in the 5th grade. Over the past 2 years I have heard parents in our class say their child feels like they have no friends in school. This is extremely stressful! Social alienation can feel so threatening that they can go into a fight or flight response. Fight could look like aggression or bullying; flight could look like being a victim of bullying, withdrawal and self-harm. Victims and bullies have something in common: unresolved stress.

“The warmth of human touch and security of body contact, are without question, the most effective way to reduce violence in our culture. Fragmentation and isolation of human relationships, the denial of true intimacy and the pleasure it implies, builds into the brain a predisposition for anger, rage and violence. The opposite is also true. It is really that simple.”   -James W. Prescott

Touch is a fundamental way in which we humans find connection. Notice how students relate to each other through touch: Are they bouncing off one another like amoebas? How often do you see poking, tickling, grabbing, and hitting?  Often it is playful, but without a proper awareness and respect for personal boundaries it becomes aggressive and unpleasant. In many instances the recipient will say, “Stop!” to no avail and it isn’t until the recipient cries or becomes violent, or calls on the teacher that the activity ceases. Does this sound familiar to you?

Here are some instances that I have observed in Waldorf school settings:

Without warning, little John, just 4 years old, grabs another boy his age in a bear hug from behind and squeezes hard. They both lose their balance and fall over. The other boy cries. John is gently told, “That’s not the way we use our hands” and is diverted into another activity.

A teacher calls me to ask about a situation happening between the sixth grade girls in her class. It started as a joke: the girls would grab and twist each other’s nipples. Within a few days it was not so funny as requests to stop were not respected, and one grab drew blood.

I observed a 5th grade class out on a walk. One girl was teasing another by pulling down on the front of her shirt, which was quite stretchy. This was tolerated good-naturedly and then there was a request to stop. The request was not heeded so upon the next tug, the victim of this “good-natured teasing” resisted and turned away. In doing so her chest was exposed and she gasped, humiliated.

In my son’s 7th grade class the girls and boys were constantly poking one another in a teasing way, much to the exasperation of the teacher. The boys had a practice of “pantsing” each other – sneaking up from behind and pulling another boy’s pants down to his knees. Any attempts by a boy to stop the activity were ignored or laughed off as weakness.

What all these instances have in common is the desire to make connection through touch and a lack of guidance in how to do so respectfully. The most common response to inappropriate touching is to say, don’t touch” when in fact what they really need is the opposite!

“There is a fear of inappropriate touching in our society, which has lead us to avoid touching at a time when children (and adults) need it more than ever. It’s time to relearn appropriate, supportive, and playful touch and value it for its function in development and learning.”   -Carla Hannaford

As a child matures they typically receive less and less touch at home.  Often the only touch an older child receives is from their peers, but rarely is it a conscious gesture of nurture. This has become our cultural norm. Videos and internet are the prominent storytellers of our time, depicting touch as sexual and violent.  Wouldn’t you like children to learn a different story? Imagine a child entering puberty who knows what healthy touch is; who is not “touch-starved”; who knows how to get their needs for touch met in an age-appropriate way; and is able to say, “no” when it is not appropriate. Is this even possible?

Yes, it is. The first step is understanding what healthy touch is. This is the practical definition that I offer:

Healthy Touch is done with consent. This means obtaining permission before and during from the one who is receiving. That means that the receiver is in control of how and where they are touched and learns to communicate their preferences to the giver. The receiver can end the touch at any time and this teaches self-awareness and empowerment. The giver, by honoring the requests of the receiver, learns respect and self-regulation. And both achieve a higher level of connection.

Healthy Touch is well-intended. This means  that the giver brings their mood into alignment with the intention of giving calm and relaxation to the recipient. Because what we feel flows directly though our hands, it is important that the giver be feeling calm and centered themselves.

Healthy Touch is appropriate. This means that we only touch certain areas of the body. Namely, head, neck, shoulders, back, arms, and hands. The giver is attuned to the mood of the receiver. If the receiver is feeling sad, for example, the appropriate touch would be soothing and comforting. If they are in a bright mood, then a more playful touch is appropriate. How the giver holds their hands and how much pressure is applied also falls into this category.

These concepts are embedded in an activity called peer massage, which is practiced primarily in the classroom. Peer massage started in Sweden over 20 years ago. It has spread to England and Australia, but is still unknown in the United States. In England it has become a part of anti-bullying programs, because it brings calm, focus and friendliness.

I found out about peer massage two years ago and since then have been practicing it at every opportunity. Thus far I have brought it to grades one through ten with enthusiastic response from students, teachers, and parents This is a typical response:

“Thea Blair came into the fifth grade class at our Waldorf charter school and shared Peer Massage with the students. Everyone paired up and participated with interest. Using nature images, she guided us through a pleasant neck, shoulder and back massage. I noticed the air of relaxation immediately after the massage as well as during the next class period. The children and I enjoyed the sweet little story and were able to repeat it ourselves the next day. The presentation with a story fits the Waldorf curriculum nicely. I think it benefited all of us and gave us new tools to interact with each other.”   -Patricia Montijo

In January I visited 10 schools (out of nearly one hundred that practice peer massage) in England in order to make a documentary film about this beneficial classroom activity. One of the schools has been doing peer massage for over ten years and the reason they introduced it was to relieve aggression and bullying. They attributed the success of the program to the whole-school approach. Because we live in a tacto-phobic culture we need the support of mutual understanding from colleagues and parents. When I asked the teachers there what they would say to the teachers here, they all said, “Try it!”

“May, we get back in touch with all that is human.
 May we touch all humans back.
 May we back all humans with touch.
 May we get it that touch is human…with all.
”   -Jaimen McMillan

To learn more about peer massage and to view the film, “Calm, Focused, and Friendly, a documentary film about peer massage in the classroom,” click here or on the image below:

Thea Blair is a mother of an 18 year old boy and an 11 year old girl, a Waldorf teacher, and a Pediatric Massage Therapist. She operated a successful pre-school out of her home where she observed the amazing results of touch in resolving children’s emotional stress. She now teaches for LifeWays and Rudolf Steiner College; she mentors teachers and parents; she campaigns tirelessly for the return of healthy touch to our culture. She lives in an intentional community on a small farm in Nevada City, California. www.theablair.com

“As a veteran education professor and column writer for Young Children, my main priority is the use of good guidance to teach for healthy personal and social development classrooms. The importance of friendly touch–between teacher and child–has always been a key practice in using guidance. It still is, but after being introduced by Thea Blair to a program of classroom peer message, a new dimension in the practice of guidance has materialized for me. In her enlightening documentary video, “Calm, Focused, and Friendly,” Thea brings to this country a very successful program of child-child message long used in schools in Great Britain.

“The benefits of peer message both for an encouraging, inclusive school environment and for healthy personal development of the individual child become immediately clear in this video. Thea’s commitment to the short and long-term benefits of peer message is not “latest fad commercial”–or I would not sit on the advisory board for her program.  Peer message is a practice that goes to the heart of what good guidance is. Thea’s program is worth trying and talking about.”   -Dan Gartrell Ed.D., NAEYC Author and Emeritus Professor, Early Childhood Education, Bemidji State University