Waldorf News

Celebrating Boy Energy

By AGAF DANCY

I learned from Cynthia Aldinger that there were four male students in the LifeWays training recently.  I was so glad to hear that! And then I thought again, “Wow, there are only four men taking up the LifeWays training, out of how many women?”  I was glad – and I am glad – that there are at least four.

But there’s no getting around the fact that childcare and education in general below the high school level are both dominated by the female gender, not only in this country but in much of the world.  Mind you, I have nothing against women!  But greater gender balance in child care would really help, particularly with the boys.  Where, these days, do children see men doing “manly” things?  Where do children see men embracing their “power?”  We need to find ways to help children get some sense of the things that men and women DO, even if it’s now mostly on weekends.

LifeWays is excellent in creating a homelike environment where we invite the children to engage in the real work of the “Domestic Arts” – cooking, baking, washing dishes, cleaning, folding laundry and engaging in many other tasks of the home.  We provide child-size versions of stoves, kitchen appliances, ironing boards, etc. for the children to continue these activities in their imaginative play.  We also provide child-size work benches and tools (though we would prefer that they not be too noisy with the hammers!). Rainbow Bridge LifeWaysBut it’s much less common for children to see or actually participate in activities like repairing things, building a deck, mending fences or gates, painting, etc. that most typically are the work of the “man around the house.”  This is not too surprising as many of these activities tend to lie outside the comfort zone or physical capacity of many female caregivers.  Yet the absence of these activities leaves the children’s picture of the domestic arts somewhat unbalanced and incomplete.

I have a greater concern than this.  My sense is that far too often the early message that boys get in “school” is that they should be more like girls.  They aren’t valued for the active male energy they bring.  One of the things I really like about Rainbow Bridge is that we work hard to engage the boys and validate their “boyness.”  I know, Rahima would love to have a few more girls in the mix, and I agree, but perhaps we attract so many boys precisely because we provide a welcoming environment for them. Boys are different from girls: their play tends to be rougher, more active and physical, less attuned to relational elements.  They love to race cars and trucks and are fascinated with anything powerful.  They like to build and create things.  They are less keen on doing things that require close focus and concentration.  It’s hard for them to be indoors, if indoors isn’t conducive to the sort of play they favor.

I think that for many female caregivers, it’s just hard to truly appreciate – to celebrate – the testosterone-laden energy that boys bring. It would be so much easier if only they were more like girls.  So what can we do about this?  Obviously, it IS possible, with a bit of effort and intention, to invite more men into our centers.  There are lots of retired grandfathers who would be delightful for all the children to experience and who could bring skills and activities that would complement and enhance those of the female Rainbow Bridge LifeWays caregivers.  You might even get that fence repaired or painted in the process!  In addition to this, I think that it’s also important for all of us as caregivers to examine our inner attitudes towards boys and girls, and to actively look for ways we can make space – psychic space – for boys to be boys in our programs.  We don’t need to stop boys from racing their trucks around — we need to create a space or venue where it’s okay for them to race to their hearts’ content!  And then it will be okay to have other spaces and times that are only for quieter activities.

My sense is that both boys and girls in our LifeWays programs will benefit from our creating greater balance, both in the presence of men and women as role models, and in the space we make in our hearts to embrace and celebrate the energy that both the girls and the boys bring and long to share with us.  I invite us all to examine our attitudes toward these matters honestly, and to keep doing our inner work!

Agaf Dancy is a long-time Waldorf class-teacher and school Administrator, and currently a caregiver at Rainbow Bridge LifeWays Program in Boulder, CO. Learn more about LifeWays at www.lifewaysnorthamerica.org